So i was watching that new VH1 show about conquering OCD, which i honestly dont have. But what i found interesting was that the doctor made all the patients write down their deepest fears, the worst possible thing that could happen if they stop doing their rituals, and it made me think... What are mine? Being 21 and going to begin my senior year of college, i have grown alot as a person but still feel i have more to grow. I have been exclusive with a guy for the better part of two and a half years, yet when he asked me to be his girl friend i said no. That may have something to do with the fact that i no longer think that i am "in love" with him any more and perhaps I am just with him for the simple fact that i know, for the time being, he will always be there for me. But I am also scared. what if i never leave him and i end up "settling" for him. I mean he is a great guy, but is he a great guy for me. I've already told him once that i know longer felt the urge to kiss him, and if that isnt a blow to his ego then the second time around will be. Part of me is waiting for him to screw up. And i guess in a sense he has several times, but nothing ever catostrophic. Or maybe it was and I was too blind to see it. I dont know. But what i do know is that I am 21 attractive, intelligent, highly social... and yet to have some form of a boy friend. So i guess one of my fears that i need to conquer is being afriad that i'm going to live life alone with out a husband, or a family, or something.
2nd point, almost a side note. I feel the need to eliminate whole groups of people from my life. I fell that sometimes when i start conversations with certain people that i am some what of an annoyance, and i wont have that. But if i dont start these conversations i fell like im missing out on something or that i am some how losing friends. that doesnt make sense, friends would make some sort of effort to contact me, or when i contact them they wouldnt just act like im a nuisance.
well that was fun. Life is great here another day with the people who matter most: my family and friends. so hopefully there are many more to come, with the least amount of bumps as possible
xoxo
